


diamonds are forever

by zappactionsdower



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, catchin the art thieves, challenge - restraint, dimilix bingo 2020, white collar au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25984243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zappactionsdower/pseuds/zappactionsdower
Summary: For Dimilix Kink Bingo - Restraint“You know, sometimes I think you want me to search for you.”  Dimitri said offhandedly.  It wasn’t as though he had any other distractions other than one particular passenger that was doing everything he could to be a wrinkle in Dimitri’s otherwise perfect existence.“Don’t be ridiculous.” He’d been free before.  He was Felix Hugo Fraldarius, the Black Cat, a notorious art thief with nine lives and a trail that led from one end of the country to another.And now here he was. Felix Hugo Fraldarius, collared assistant to Dimitri’s little white collar crime-busting team.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 13
Kudos: 59
Collections: Dimilix NSFW Bingo





	1. for what good would love do me

He was close. So very, very close. Felix strode through the mostly-empty parking garage towards his target. He toyed with the makeshift key in his hand, provided by an unaware Lorenz. His target was there, sleek and black and ready. A beautiful car that Felix would drive into his freedom, once and for all.

Not a single alarm had gone off. Not a single person had seen him as he’d wound through back alleys and unused buildings to get _here_. All he had to do was unlock the doors, adjust his seat and…

“Do you need a ride home, Felix?”

Felix cursed.

_He_ was there too. But of course he was.

“Going somewhere?” Dimitri leaned casually against the open door of his small, unpleasantly familiar sedan.

Damn him. “Maybe.”

Dimitri waited.

Felix schooled his expression into complete, utter indifference. He trudged over, not even bothering to hide the keys in his hand. Back to his illusory “freedom” once again.

“What gave it away, exactly?”

“You talked to Lorenz.”

Felix huffed as he slid into his regular seat and closed the door. “Maybe I just like Lorenz.”

“You hate him.” Dimitri settled in behind the wheel. Like a good schoolboy, he checked his mirrors and then fastened his seatbelt. “And your pocket jingled.”

Felix scowled. He grudgingly fastened his own seatbelt, more because the asshole wouldn’t start the car until he did than actual safety concerns. His ankle felt extra-heavy, and the tiny little red light emitting from beneath his pants leg was deliberately taunting him. He tapped his foot once, twice, over and over again because the noise was better than silence.

Dimitri, like usual, ignored him. 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd was an oddity among oddities. He was young, one of the youngest agents to lead his very own white collar teams in the whole of the FBI. He was charming and always put together, not a single hair out of place which was even more impressive given that he kept it long and tied back for some inexplicable reason. He wore pressed blue-grey suits and a royal blue tie. Occasionally he pulled the jacket off to reveal a light blue button-up that Felix had yet to see a single wrinkle on. His desk was pristine, save for the random half-crocheted scarves that he kept tucked into the bottom right drawer.

He was also, Felix knew, an utter beast that could break noses with the most casual of swings.

Why everyone else couldn’t see this, Felix had yet to discern. It was so obvious in the way Dimitri carried himself, and the too-careful way he held onto his “Morning Person” coffee mug. He didn’t even drink coffee – he always had _tea_ in that damned thing.

He was a beast, and a beast that was frustratingly good at finding Felix.

“You know, sometimes I think you want me to search for you.” Dimitri said offhandedly. He kept his eyes on the road, yet another absurd habit that Felix had _opinions_ about. He didn’t even play the radio, so it wasn’t as though he had any other distractions other than one particular passenger that was doing everything he could to be a wrinkle in Dimitri’s otherwise perfect existence.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He’d been free before. He was Felix Hugo Fraldarius, the Black Cat, a notorious art thief with nine lives and a trail that led from one end of the country to another. Perhaps not the world’s most wanted art thief, but he’d been more than a backwater no-name criminal. Small enough to not have a deadly bounty on his head, but large enough to catch the attention of one very large, determined human golden retriever.

And now here he was. Felix Hugo Fraldarius, collared _assistant_ to Dimitri’s little white collar crime-busting team. He was given a little territory to roam about in, a little apartment that he shared with two exceptionally nice women that didn’t ask questions, and an ankle bracelet that constantly reminded him that he was at the mercy of the same people that had thrown him into a jail cell.

Sometimes, Felix wondered if the jail was better.

“Coffee?” Dimitri finally asked.

“You’re paying for it.”

Their office was inside a midrise skyscraper with a fairly mundane view of older, granite-stone buildings and the barest hints of a park. It wasn't terrible, but Felix had seen better. Far better. Most of the interior was equally bland – grey-black carpet, grey-white furniture, matching peace lilies that were large enough and heavy enough to be permanent fixtures, and awful _kitschy_ landscape paintings that someone had decided to pepper the grey-brown walls with.

Lorenz was waiting at the front desk, his arms crossed and his lips in a thin line.

“Apologies.” Dimitri offered a thin smile. “Felix needs to return something to you.”

Felix rolled his eyes. Lorenz held his hand out and after a short moment, Felix returned his keys.

Dimitri didn't move, damn him.

“Fine.” Felix dug around in his pocket and retrieved a gaudy silver-white watch. Lorenz sputtered as Felix dropped it into his twitching fingers.

“How did you - ?” Lorenz demanded. “This was my _grandfather's_!”

“It's fake anyway.” Felix scoffed as he pushed past the two to enter into his own little office area.

“It's a turn of the century - !”

“Fake.” Felix repeated.

Lorenz returned the watch to his wrist, muttering softly about the indignity of it all. Dimitri hid a tiny smile behind a gentle (and also very fake) cough.

“It _is_ pewter.” Dimitri nodded his head. “But a truly beautiful design. I will pay for it to be polished.”

“Yes, well,” Lorenz covered the watch with his sleeve and stood straighter. “I have relayed information, as requested. You will of course forgive me if I _don't_ speak of this to Claude...”

“Not a word.” Dimitri shook his hand. “Thank you. Give Claude my regards on your return.”

Their meeting room was only slightly less bland than the rest of the office. The table was real wood and Felix had made it a habit of testing just how much stress the wheeled chairs could take. Each spot had a plain manila dossier set neatly in place, awaiting everyone's arrival.

Felix pointedly ignored it in favor of watching their coworkers slip inside, one by one. Ingrid was first, like always, then Ferdinand, then Leonie.

Ingrid was no-nonsense, at least until some sort of cooked beef was involved. She didn’t like Felix much but as far as Felix could tell, Ingrid had impossible standards for everyone. She’d come from a poor background, that much Felix had devised, and worked her way through the most rigorous of challenges to her current job.

And she was _good_ with numbers. Felix had never seen anyone take apart an accounting statement so quickly and so thoroughly. Why she wasn’t living rich as some high-end CPA in some slightly crooked company continued to vex Feix to no end.

Then there was Ferdinand - possibly even more of a people pleaser than Dimitri. Ferdinand was in the business because his father was in the business, and his father before him, as his father before him. Public Service was almost a requirement for the last name “von Aegir,” as Ferdinand loved to remind people. But, despite his more dramatic tendencies, he had an encyclopedic knowledge of the arts. Felix could _almost_ respect it. Almost.

And then there was Leonie. Felix liked Leonie, to the extent that he liked anyway in law enforcement. She’d come from nothing at all and yet here she was, working on high-profile cases in the most minute of ways. She knew each and every code on the books by heart and could always be counted upon in times of danger. And somehow, there was always danger in these cases. 

Occasionally, Linhardt would make a very brief and very disinterested appearance. The few times Felix had caught him in his office, he’d been sound asleep against his keyboard. Cybercrime tended to be its own department that Felix had no interest in but every once in a while Dimitri would get Linhardt involved.

Felix rocked back and forth in his swivel chair, pointedly _not_ looking down at the dossier full of printed out sheets in front of him. The others waited, looking to the blonde man at the front of the table.

“Good morning everyone.” Dimitri smiled, peppy as always. “Apologies for the delay. I needed to take a slight detour.” Bastard. Felix was _far_ more than a detour. “Regardless, we do have a case to attend to. Have any of you heard of _The Twins of the Sun and the Moon_?”

“The famous opera?” Ferdinand was two steps away from actually salivating. “It’s incredibly difficult to sing the third act aria, especially for the Soprano. And of course there’s the - “

“It’s playing next week downtown.” Felix cut in. “Three nights only.” 

“And Dorothea Arnault herself will be playing the part of Eirika of Renais.” Dimitri followed up. “She will be attending a gala this Sunday and, conveniently, wearing the famed Renais Diamonds, lent by a private collector for the purpose of the performance.”

“We’re going to protect _the_ Dorothea?!” Ferdinand squeaked before composing himself. “Has there been some threat of violence?”

“None so far. But this is the first time the Renais Diamonds will be seen in public in several decades.” Dimitri opened his folder to pull out a text-heavy sheet with a photograph tucked into the bottom corner. “We’ve been on the trail of some underground group that have prioritized stealing the Renais collection and I have reason to believe they’re going to attempt another theft.”

“So we’re playing bodyguards?” Ingrid glanced down, intently reading through her own dossier. “Or are we hoping they take the bait?”

“We are reacting accordingly. Lorenz has made arrangements to get us into the gala under pseudonyms which you can find in your dossier. We don’t have much time to prepare for this but I believe it to be worth it. Not many of these pieces remain accounted for as it is.” Dimitri looked at each one of them. “Leonie and Ingrid, I’m assigning you to survey the convention center where the gala will be taking place. It’s on the second floor of the Mittlefrank Hotel. Ferdinand, if you could please create a primer so that we are more educated on the subject matter. Felix, “ Felix sniffed, not looking directly at Dimitri, “I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to steal several million dollars worth of diamonds in plain sight.”

“I bet you would.” Felix replied, leaning back.

“Then let’s get to work.”

Despite his chained existence, Felix did like his apartment. It had a nice view of the city and smelled permanently of freshly baked goods. Mercedes and Annette were the best landlords anyone could ask for. They were unobtrusive and conveniently had no problems whatsoever with sharing a space with a _slightly_ reformed art thief. Annette was a music teacher at a prestigious college and had told him once the whole thing was hilarious. Mercedes, well, she adopted people like children adopted kittens.

Felix was decidedly _not_ a kitten.

But still, Felix appreciated them all the same. He had the whole upper floor to himself and had canvases and paints and clay all over whatever surfaces were available. His main wall was covered in papers and news clippings of whatever case he was supposed to assist with.

Leonie and Ingrid had done legwork any thief would be impressed by. They’d pulled together blueprints of the entire floor and scoped out every entrance and exit and every blind spot that could work to hide something nefarious.

All in all, it wasn’t that secure. More importantly the diamonds in question would be worn by a well-known celebrity well-known for fraternizing with every eligible bachelor with six-figure bank accounts. Dorothea Arnault came from nothing and was now one of the most respected sopranos in the business. The lack of background besides “normal girl with a dream” made Felix wary. Someone didn’t have that little of a past if they weren’t trying to hide something.

There were two evenly-spaced knocks at his door.

Felix huffed and tugged a thin blue shirt over his shoulders. No point in doing any more than necessary in _his_ space. “Come in.”

“I brought you some Faerghus beef and potatoes.” Dimitri waltzed in, unperturbed by Felix’s lack of propriety. He set the styrofoam container on the kitchen island along with a small bottle of wine.

Felix stared at it haughtily. “Because I couldn’t get it myself?”

“Not without triggering your zone alarm, no.” Dimitri turned his attention to the maps Felix had spread out along the wall. He tilted his head, resting it against his hand like he usually did when he was about to disappear into his head about a case.

“Don’t you ever have something interesting to do in the evening?” As far as Felix knew, Dimitri was single. He never mentioned a girlfriend either or… anything else. Felix had never heard any of their coworkers mention dates which was strange. Dimitri was… not ugly. He did own two overweight cats and the few times Felix had gone to the blonde’s apartment, he’d only ever seen old movies and an odd assortment of houseplants.

“Not usually, no. Although there is a documentary about ancient weapons I am looking forward to.” Dimitri replied, voice distant.

“Weapons.”

“You might like it.” Dimitri still hadn’t turned his head so Felix stepped forward, standing close to his right so they could both look at the wall. “They’re going to be featuring the Zoltan Relics.”

Felix had come so, so close to stealing one. It had been the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen - a perfect blade of blue and silver and with lions carefully crafted in the hilt. “I might watch it.”

Dimitri smiled.

Damn him all over again. Felix huffed, tapping his fingers against his elbow. Of course the bastard would know that, wouldn’t he? “What do you want anyway?”

“I did not get to speak with you today about your thoughts. I apologize, I spent most of the day trying to wrap up the Death Knight case. And you tend to think better here anyway.”

The “Death Knight”was some kind of mysterious phantom involved in some kind of big blackmailing scheme that was still getting untangled. Felix had never found blackmail all that interesting - the whole point was the _challenge_ , not to get rich off of someone else’s guilt.

“Can’t be any worse than that whole Tempest King thing a few years ago.”

Dimitri raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of that?”

“It’s why I avoided this area.” Felix didn’t know all the details. But, judging from some of his contacts, whatever happened had torn up a fair number of counterfeit rings and had pushed many more deep underground. And after the shakeup the bastard disappeared as though he had never existed at all. Some weren’t even sure if it _was_ one person or just many using the same pseudonym.

“I thought you’d simply ran out of targets.” Dimitri turned his attention back to the wall, considering. “If you were after priceless diamonds, how would you steal them when surrounded by dozens of people and tight security?”

“I wouldn’t.” This close, he could almost feel the warmth radiating off Dimitri’s skin. Sometimes Felix thought about reaching out to touch those arms, feel the terribly-hidden strength for himself. He imagined ripping that fabric off and figuring out, once and for all, what lurked underneath.

He’d led Dimitri on a merry chase and still - still - had never truly gotten the answer he was looking for. And for all his trouble, all he’d ended up with was a terrible fashion accessory that yelled if he tried to venture out of his little gilded cage.

“You’d steal it before.” Dimitri mused.

“I’d make a fake and switch it around. Unless you look closely - and most people don’t - they’d never notice.” Felix traced the routes in his mind. Dorothea would enter using the elevator from the floor above and work her way down to the heavily-secured deposit room. From there someone would hand her the jewels and she would be escorted to the Grand Rose Ballroom wherein she’d spend two hours mingling with all the high society in the area. Guards would be posted at each exit and everyone would be searched going in and out of the event.

“And yet…” Dimitri trailed. “It feels like I’m missing something.”

“It could be insurance fraud. It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s lost some valuable item and pretended they still had it to try and get a better payout.” Felix had done it once, when he was short on money and short on escapes. And rich art collectors tended to be a prideful bunch.

“Possibly. Or the diamonds themselves are bait. For what, I have no idea.” Dimitri sighed and rubbed at his nose. “Very well. I suppose we’ll find out in less than forty-eight hours as it is.” He turned slightly to smile at Felix.

This close, it would only take a breath to lean in and dig out whatever Felix was looking for. 

“Goodnight.”

Felix stayed perfectly, stubbornly still. “Yeah.”


	2. diamonds never lie to me

Dimitri arrived to escort Felix at exactly 4:55 PM. Felix was in the middle of fixing his hair for the fourth time that afternoon. Part of any social event was presentation, and Felix had a long, long career of sneaking into places and looking exactly like he belonged there.

“You look like an undercover agent.” Felix drawled as he opened the door. 

“Too much?” Dimitri self-consciously adjusted his tie.

“You look _old_.” Felix reached up and Dimitri obligingly dropped his head as Felix carded his fingers through the blonde strands. “Hair gel, really?” He picked and plucked at the right places, forcing it to feather around Dimitri’s face in some semblance of youthful vanity. 

“And you look like a thief.” Dimitri chuckled. He flicked his finger against Felix’s shirt collar to reveal a set of bobby pins and small metal needles. “I don’t think you’ll need these.”

“They’re for my hair.” And other uses, if necessary. It never hurt to come prepared for the unknown.

“I suppose.” 

And then he dropped down to kneel right in front of Felix.

Felix’s skin heated up, dumbstruck as Dimitri’s hands ghosted along his calf and lower. “What are you…?” Dimitri’s thumb pressed against the bone of his foot, right above the bracelet. There was a distinct _click_ and then…

Silence.

“You – “ Goddess. Felix considered kicking him, or at least shoving his knee into that sharp jawline. But not while Dimitri was still holding onto his ankle, strong and dangerous and…

“We are undercover. I trust you’ll behave yourself for one night?” Dimitri looked up, calm and amused and Goddess, Felix was going to absolutely mark up that face with a bruise or two. Dimitri always found new ways to make him want to _hit_ things.

“And if I run?” Felix stumbled out, agitated.

“Then I’ll catch you.” Dimitri answered simply. 

“Of all the professions you had to choose, you had to pick _Boy Scout_.” Felix forced his words to even out, for the pulsing in his blood to settle into quiet calm. “I don’t get it.”

“I’m lucky I had a good mentor.” Dimitri released his ankle and stood up, setting the ankle bracelet neatly on the top of a table. “Shall we go?”

As if he had a choice.

The entrance to the hotel was flocked with black tuxes and bright, feathered dresses. Ingrid, Leonie, and Ferdinand were already grouped together and talking quietly with one another. Ingrid would, like usual, retreat to somewhere outside the perimeter to monitor cameras and who came and went throughout the event. Leonie would remain inside, looping around to identify anything unusual. Ferdinand served as the social butterfly, chatting up whoever he could to try and ferret out someone that didn’t belong.

And Dimitri and Felix would remain close to the star herself, personally guarding the diamonds. Assuming everything went to plan.

“Tell me why _I’m_ the bodyguard again while you’re the wealthy no-good son of a politician?” Felix muttered near Dimitri’s ear as they stood in line.

“Because you act the part.” Dimitri answered mildly.

Felix snorted. “You’re the beast here, not me.” The suit did nothing to hide his broad shoulders. Felix still didn’t understand why everyone else was so obtuse about Dimitri.

“Ah, good, you’re here!” Ferdinand greeted them before Dimitri could reply. He was as puffed out as a peacock, barely hiding his excitement by toying with his black gloves. “I hope you read your dossier?” 

“All thirty pages of it.” Ingrid answered, as dry as dust, as behind her, Leonie groaned.

Ferdinand didn’t look the least bit deterred. “I forgot to add that while many take the Demon King as some legendary figure, the truth of the allegory is the Grado invasion and how it crippled Renais economically and militarily for whole generations. Eirika’s Lament is said to be the creator’s own tragic feelings about the debasement of the country. The entire treasury was almost completely wiped out. Oh, and it’s worth mentioning that the most well-known soprano to have ever played the princess is Manuela Casagranda, who herself is said to have hailed from Renais during reclamation. Dorothea was her personal protégé so we’re truly…”

Ferdinand was cut off as a tall, burly man appeared behind them.

“Tickets, please.”

“Ah, yes.” Ferdinand turned, holding out several small white pieces of paper. “Apologies, sir.”

Well, there were worse things to be than _Dimitri’s_ bodyguard.

Inside was as opulent as Felix expected it to be. No expense had been spared whether it be the black velvet drapes or the small professional orchestra playing quiet music in one corner or the shining silver platters full of crackers and high-end cheeses carried by people in soft blues.

And there was the lady of the hour herself, dressed in dark reds and glossy silks and wearing a diamond necklace that even Felix had to admit was impressive. 

_“Target spotted. Seems to have plenty of guards surrounding her_ .” Ferdinand’s voice echoed in Felix’s ear. “ _I’ll try to make some rounds_.”

 _“Everything’s pretty calm outside. They’ve cordoned off most of the hallways of the floor and have guards posted at every exit_ .” Ingrid intoned. _“Only weakness seems to be the kitchen staff coming and going and they have a separate room set up for that_.”

 _“Look good here. I’ll monitor it_ .” Leonie replied. “ _All set boss_?”

“We’ll stay close.” Dimitri’s hand drifted to Felix’s shoulder, leaning in as if they were having a private conversation. “Keep an eye out everyone. Let’s just hope this is a false flag.”

“ _Roger_.”

There was a certain rhythm to the upper crust social outing. People drifted along, talking about whatever they thought made them sound terribly important. Others were scenting for blood in the water and lost interest quickly. If you knew what to look for and what to say, you could have the right person dancing to your every tune.

Dimitri, Felix learned, dealt with all the politicking with a polite smile and charming deference. He stared shyly downwards when a young debutante gave him the time of day and downplayed his own importance whenever some other rich, spoiled brat of a “man” tried to size him up. It was almost impressive, if it didn’t also send Felix into a barely-controlled rage.

Beasts shouldn’t act like princes. Especially not when they kept getting _pawed_ at.

As if sensing his irritation, Dimitri glanced his way and gave a casual smile that so far he hadn’t shown to any of the other “guests.” Felix scoffed and took a deep drink of wine.

They hadn’t even made contact with Dorothea yet. She was still standing with one of the directors of the opera company, laughing politely and being just as fake as Felix’s partner.

“ _Nothing to report on this end. Only ones going in and out are the staff. They’re not even allowed close to her._ ” Ingrid’s voice was almost wistful. “ _They’re bringing in bacon-wrapped shrimp_.”

“ _We’ll all eat out at the rib joint later_ .” Leonie promised. “ _Nothing to report. All of these guards are the ones listed in the dossier. No imposters that I see_.”

“ _I’m impressed how knowledgeable everyone is. No one seems out of place here_ .” Ferdinand had managed to make a small circle around himself, only visible as a bright spot of carefully-groomed red hair. “ _Hold on,there’s a cleaning crew coming through the hallway. That wasn’t scheduled until nine.”_

Dimitri moved towards Dorothea, Felix a few steps behind.

“ _They’ve been redirected by security. I’ll see if I can get a contact to talk to me here_ . _Just seemed to drop off some towels for the bathroom._ ”

“You know, you’re the only one I’ve seen turn down every offer to mingle.”

And there was Dorothea, flanked by a large man in black. And she was very definitely talking to Dimitri.

Up close, it was true that she was naturally pretty. Felix didn’t see a lot of makeup and her curly brown hair was decidedly natural. The diamonds around her neck sparkled, matching the small jewels in her ears.

It truly was a beautiful necklace. It was known as the Twins’ Bond, matching diamonds set next to sapphire stones and surrounded by silver. Some jewelers went overboard on opulence but this? This necklace was just right. A sentimental piece instead of one made to give the wearer an ego trip. The necklace shone brightly against the soft silk of her feathered scarf, another fine piece of fashion that seemed to have weights sewn in on the bottom tassels to give it some character.

Dimitri gave a self-conscious smile and a half-bow. “Apologies. My father insisted I make an appearance tonight.”

Liar. Felix scowled at a painting past them both. The artist had something against trees it seemed, given how viciously they’d splattered acrylic greens all over the place and messed up the shading.

“Your father?” Dorothea raised an eyebrow.

“A former senator.” Dimitri replied smoothly. “He’s a chairman on a board now and is insistent that I do more socializing and less traveling.”

Felix snatched a glass of water from a strolling waiter. He quietly cursed his long-standing tradition of working completely sober.

“Ah - a bachelor.” Dorothea extended her hand. “So where have you been?”

“Europe, mostly.” Dimitri, the false gentlemen, took it and placed a kiss on the black glove. Felix clicked his tongue and looked away.

“Do you speak French?”

Goddess. Felix downed the entire glass as Dimitri switched languages. Why did people think French was sexy anyway? It was just another Romance language and Dimitri’s accent was all wrong compared to Dorothea’s natural lilt.

 _“You look like you’re about to murder someone there, Felix_.” Leonie chuckled.

Good. They could leave and Felix wouldn’t have to be offended about terrible paintings.

“ _False flag on that group that refilled the bathroom. Everything looks fine. There’s another security team doing a sweep for any other strangers. I’m noticing a lot more activity in the kitchen.”_

_“I can get closer to that. There’s someone wearing a white tuxedo that I’ve noticed hasn’t been interested in the opera at all. I don’t recognize him from the social papers either.”_

_“Just let us know Ferdinand. Felix, Dimitri, you fine_?”

Dimitri gave a tiny bob of his head as he and Dorothea talked about some kind of opera house in Europe. Idle chatter that he didn’t need to focus on, especially with the constant movement from the rest of the crowd.

Dimitri hadn’t been nearly that _charming_ as he’d chased after Felix. Or when he’d caught him the first time which had been polite and professional and irritating. Especially that time when Felix had tripped up in New Orleans where Dimitri had cornered him in some old estate that had a particular painting that Felix had been after for months. It was…

A waitress carrying a tray of parfaits drifted closer. Closer. Felix watched as she fell forward, caught by someone’s heel.

They both reached. Felix stepped forward to catch the tray just as Dimitri dove, clutching to the girl as she nearly collided with the ground.

Behind them, there was a surprised squeak.

The room went deathly silent as the famed celebrity wiped the strawberry creme off her dress.

Felix set the tray down as another waiter rushed over to comfort the trembling girl. Dimitri patted her hand quietly and murmured something into her ear.

 _“Told you those deserts were dangerous, Ingrid_.” Leonie.

“ _The man in white just ran out_ .” Ferdinand. “ _Want me to follow_?”

 _“I’ve got him on the cameras_.” Ingrid.

“Well, I did guard your body.” Felix murmured as they both looked to Dorothea. She was surprisingly calm, dotting the creme off and swatting away several security guards as they tried to help her. 

“Thank you for saving me from the indignity of strawberries.” Dimitri handed Dorothea a handkerchief from his pocket. “Are you all right?”

“It’s not the worst thing to ever happen to me.” Dorothea brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and grimaced. “Could you escort me out to clean this up? I do _hate_ being surrounded by security all the time.”

Dimitri glanced at Felix. “Of course. We would…”

“Alone?”

Felix shrugged. “I think you can handle yourself _Alex_ .” Felix could use the time to scope out the other guests. That trip had seemed entirely _too_ coincidental.

“We won’t be long then.” Dimitri held out his arm and Dorothea took it.

“ _Ferdinand, do you see where they took that waitress?”_ Felix asked quietly. He dipped through the crowd, looking for anyone and anything. 

_“Security has her. Along with some other young man. She’s in tears so not sure what you’ll get from her_.”

“ _Dimitri’s heading down towards the bathrooms. There are still guards stationed - apparently they aren’t letting anyone in it. They’re going somewhere else_.”

 _“What about that man in white?”_ Thieves didn’t like white, in his experience. It was too gaudy. But perhaps that was the point?

“ _Haven’t seen him._ ”

“ _I think he headed out too_ . _He was following a waiter_ .” There was a distinct sound of metal clattering and voices in the background behind Leonie. _“Kitchen’s in upheaval right now.”_

“ _Dimitri, I’ve lost sight of you on the cameras. You fine_?”

Felix stopped.

“ _Dimitri? You there_?” Ingrid repeated, only a little uneasy.

No answer.

 _“Everyone, the cameras just stuttered. I’ve lost visual_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters I said. Just two chapters!!  
> Sorry - I'm out of hell month but I've also just felt wiped out from it. So I'll try to finish up my projects within the next few days and feel caught up on self-indulgences.


	3. they can stiumlate and tease me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiind of dubious consent but not really but just in case here?

_“Felix?”_

Felix’s traitorous feet were already moving on their own. “I hear you.”

 _“I’m already speaking to hotel security.”_ Ingrid relayed. _“They’re shutting down the exits.”_

 _“There’s no need to raise the alarm just yet, but we should lock down the floor._ ” Leonie instructed. Felix knew from experience how effective all three of them were.

 _“There are guards at each stairwell but it might be best to shut down the elevator for a time. I can coordinate things from here.”_ Ferdinand was already moving towards the staff exit. _“No one’s acting suspicious at least.”_

“I’ll find Dimitri.” There were only so many rooms on that end of the floor and Felix had spent the entire night before studying the layout. They’d already wasted time as it was.

_“You don’t have a weapon Felix.”_

“I can improvise.” This particular exit was intended for the opera guests and high-end guests only. It was mostly staff-related - an employee break room, a laundry room, two bathrooms and one dressing room. Very few places that worked to hide and even fewer places one could use to exit to another floor. A good thief would already have an exit plan in mind, and then a backup plan for when things went south.

Or else a plan to hunker down and wait for things to die down. Which meant tight, small spaces.

Felix reached up to his earpiece to adjust the volume down. Leonie and Ingrid were relaying information as fast as they could but it was irrelevant right now. He needed to _think_.

The laundry room had very, very small chutes. Far too small for a person to slip through. But more than small enough to toss a small necklace in. A little too straightforward for his taste, but it was a start. He counted down the doors to the third one at the end and tested the handle.

Locked.

“And you said I didn’t need this.” Felix murmured as he knelt down. He pulled out one of his bobby pins and poked at the lock. So many hotels still liked to be “rustic” and “simple” that it was almost insulting. Not that Felix liked card entries either but at least it involved some sleights of hand to steal one. The lock clicked and Felix slowly turned the handle…

Dorothea shrieked.

Felix stepped back, hands raised.

She hastily clutched to her lopsided scarf and made a deep, unsteady breath. The opera singer was still on the ground, tangled up in a huge heap of sheets and towels and some odd, soap-shaped plastic object by her hand. “Oh. It’s you. Er…”

“It’s me.” Felix parroted, surveying the room. Not many signs of a struggle besides that and - there. Dimitri was unconscious, hands tied with some complicated hand-towels. He turned his attention back to Dorothea and her neck.

“You’re missing something.”

Dorothea’s lips turned down, but she didn’t express the slightest bit of shock.

Interesting.

“There - there was a man in black. He grabbed me from behind and - “ she adjusted her scarf again, winding it back where it was. Felix traced the movement, fixated on the tassels. “And I don’t remember - “

“You know he’s an FBI agent, right?”

She went ghostly white, clutching her scarf tighter against her body.

Felix crossed his arms. There was only so much _fake_ he could take in a day. “Let me guess. Hidden pocket, right? Just take the weight out, replace it, nobody would notice. And nobody would believe the diva herself would be the thief.”

“I’m not stealing it.” This time, Dorothea stood up, determined. “I’m taking it home.”

Damn. Of _course_ Ferdinand would actually say something useful in his over-enthusiastic essays. “You really did _study_ with that Casagranda, didn’t you? What else did she teach you?”

“What those _rich bastards_ did to my - to _our_ country. To our treasures, our very way of life. It was horrible.” Dorothea’s voice broke just slightly, even though her gaze remained steady. “All our history was taken to decorate some stranger’s private collection. This is the first time this necklace has been seen by the public in _decades_.”

Felix sighed and let his hands drop. As if a country cared about its people, or would feel anything at all about some missing rocks. There were far better things to doom yourself with than some misguided patriotism or some _history_. It was the mantra he’d lived by, ever since he’d started his little exploits.

But this wasn’t his business. Not really.

“I’m not interested in your plans to right old wrongs or be some kind of folk hero. I’m here for him.” He nodded to Dimitri. “So - go do whatever. He’s not - you didn’t _actually_ hurt him?” Felix’s eyes narrowed.

“He’s fine.” She tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. “A girl has her secrets.”

“It might be best to think up a better story.” Felix let her walk past him towards the outside hallway. “Like that you heard him drop something into the laundry chute.”

She hesitated, then hastily ran off.

“I’ve found him.” Felix said into his earpiece. “Haven’t seen Dorothea though.”

 _“Thank the Goddess. Did you see anyone else?”_ Ingrid asked. _“We’ve got visual on the hallways again.”_

“Some guy in black. Couldn’t make his face out. He headed north towards the stairwell..” 

He turned the volume down again and went over to the unconscious blonde. Felix settled on top of his legs, watching as Dimitri stirred and struggled back to consciousness.

“Hi.”

Dimitri’s lashes fluttered. He fixated on Felix, and Felix was certain it was the light that made his eyes so blue. “Hello Felix.” Dimitri looked around, lips turned slightly downwards. What a waste to put those lips on an FBI agent. “We’re in a laundry room?”

“Looks like it.” On a whim he reached out, lazily brushing his fingers along Dimitri’s jaw and then letting them drift down to his shoulders. Definitely solid muscle there. “Good nap?”

“I’m more concerned about the situation than my sleep status.” Dimitri replied dryly as Felix leaned closer, just studying him.

“Dorothea’s fine.”

“The diamonds?” Dimitri breathed, eyelashes fluttering again as Felix reached up to brush a stray strand of hair away.

“Stolen.” Felix could get used to this, being on such a warm lap and having Dimitri squirming beneath him. “They were gone when we arrived.”

Dimitri sighed and Felix felt the shudder in his chest. “I am obligated to remind you it is forbidden for me to take advantage of my subordinates.”

“I’m not your subordinate.” He leaned closer, his hands going to Dimitri’s neck where his pulse was just a little too fast. “And I hate _obligations_.”

It wasn’t a bad kiss, all things considered. Especially as Felix hadn’t actually kissed all that many people without some angle driving his actions. Felix drew back, only to breathe before leaning forward, groaning as Dimitri’s tongue pressed against his. For a Boy Scout he was _talented_ , sucking on Felix’s bottom lip in a way that made Felix’s toes curl.

“I could leave right now.” Felix purred, leaning close as Dimitri’s mouth left his to move to his jaw, his throat. _Fuck_ , Dimtiri’s teeth felt good against his jugular. “Walk away and you’d have to catch me all over again.”

“But you’re not.” Dimitri replied, flicking his tongue out. Felix dug his nails in against Dimitir’s chest, purring at the solid muscle.

“I still might.” Felix huffed, suddenly aware of the warmth in his groin and something slightly hard pressing against the inside of his thigh. That was - his brain almost short-circuited at the thought of riding _that_. “Maybe I’ll get you to join the dark side while I’m at it. Wouldn’t you want to let loose for once in your life?”

“Maybe.” Dimitri moved back to Felix’s lips, his hands going to Felix’s back to pull him closer and yes, this was - this was…

Wait.

 _Wait_.

Felix pulled away to look down, perturbed to see that yes, his makeshift binds had been undone and Dimitri was holding him in place with those damn _arms_.

_Dammit._

“How did you - ?” Goddess. Did he _rip_ that fabric? And that - that was definitely not, Felix wasn’t…

“Maybe you’ll learn there are perks to being reformed.” Dimitri lifted them both up to their feet and Felix’s brain shut down. “One day.”

The rest of the night was a miserable affair of security and chattering socialites and press wrangling. Dorothea was hastily removed from the hotel for her own safety and Felix looked away as she leaned into her director, crying tears and waving away the flood of reports.

It was nearly three AM when Dimitri took Felix back to his apartment and latched the bracelet back onto his ankle.

Felix spent the rest of the night on his roof, determinedly not thinking about how used to the weight he'd become.

Leonie and Ingrid were both scowling the next morning as they all herded into the small room. Ferdinand just kept clutching to his Earl Grey tea and reading through a huge stack of papers.

Felix yawned.

“The good news,” Dimitri started as he settled into his own chair, “is that the owner of the necklace is not pressing charges yet. They had a rather… elaborate insurance policy in place so they’re coming out ahead. I expect there will be lawsuits however.”

Greedy bastards indeed, Felix thought to himself.

“However, you know I hate to leave things unfinished. While we were not central players, we were all present during this little debacle. We are likely going to be requested for an internal review. Best to work out your statements now.” Dimtiri’s gaze swept to Felix. “I don’t need to remind you that I have only minimal control over if the higher-ups declare you too much of a risk.”

“And yet you put up with me anyway.” Felix wasn’t entirely sure why he was being snappish. Some days, he just preferred to be moody. “Besides - maybe this means it’s an inside job.”

“Perhaps.” Dimitri’s expression gave nothing away. “And that is what we’ve been asked about, actually.”

Dimitri was waiting for him at the garage. Felix snorted quietly as he settled into his usual seat, still perturbed even though there was a drink waiting in the cup holder.

“You know I could have chosen to walk.” Felix murmured as he adjusted his seatbelt.

“But you came down to my car.” Dimitri replied as he went through the same motions as always.

Felix gripped his drink and held it close. “Coincidence.”

“You know Felix, I often question what ‘justice’ really is.” Dimitri started his car up and began driving. “There are the obvious things of course. Robbery, assault, forgeries for profit.”

Felix yawned.

“But what about someone who steals to return something to the original owner? A national treasure, perhaps?”

Dimitri was looking directly at him with those too-blue eyes. Felix chose to focus on a red sedan with a poodle bouncing about in the backseat instead.

“What would you do, in this case?” Dimitri continued, curious. “What’s the bigger crime? Who deserves punishment?”

“You’re asking me?” Felix snorted. “I’m the criminal. You’re the agent that keeps trying to rehabilitate me.”

Dimitri smiled, and Felix’s stomach did terrible things. “Is that all you want to be for the rest of your life? Have me chasing you all over the place or minding you?”

“Right now, I just want you to find a new tie.” Ties were safe. Felix could deal with ties.

“My apologies for offending you.” Dimitri reached up and undid the thing, yanking it off with more than a little force and revealing the little ‘v’ of his neck. “Is that better?”

Felix hid his expression behind his drink.

“One day, you’ll find something more than art theft. Or so I truly hope.” This time, Dimitri kept his eyes on the road. The angle of the sun and the blue of the sky were just perfect. Felix considered finding his sketchbook when he finally returned to his apartment.

“No promises.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire idea started out with me misunderstanding the point of the Bingo and being like "hey how can I do restraint but not do it the way people expect but also end up doing it the way people want."
> 
> It was way saucier in my head.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry everyone - I know I have a few things to catch up on but I am in the middle of hell month so bear with me. Not... with actual bears please.  
> Also if you've never seen White Collar, pls watch White Collar.


End file.
